Friday, August 24, 2012

simply sweet.



alas. 
friday.
a very productive week in routine. 
planning. 
creating.
writing.
loving. 
cleaning.
rushing.
relaxing.
running errands.
all things that make your day or not-
regardless, the week goes on and time presses on. 

ever been so content in your own little world that nothing else seems to matter?
as long as all is well,
 no news is good news in the world. 
planning your weekend minutes life is sweet. 
all is right in my world. 

a missed call from my mom as many have been before, 
not intended to be missed just missed,
and yet again, missed.
 rushing to the next stop on the "to do" list, 
i return the call with my hands full at the Target express lane check out. 
a.single.moment.can.change.your.whole.world. 
it changed MY world.

you never- or hope you never receive a phone call like this 
and as a parent it is your worst fear let alone from your parent.
  
in that second, though thank god everyone is alive, 
and "stable and okay" is an answered prayer 
you realize just how sweet life really is.







Wednesday, August 22, 2012

simply grand.


let's be honest. 
i'm pushing through this blog post. 
all the more reason to challenge myself with this little exercise of blogging everyday
like i, v. gibbs, have nothing to say ever?
said no one ever. 

challenge and exercise come natural to me. 
i love it. 
crave it in fact. 
today was filled with solid tedious computer work. 
all.day.in.my.office
ugh. 
challenged.
past tense. 
conquered it. 

i am putting forth a ton of effort into being beyond organized for this holiday season. 
as i embark on a 4th year- i am already booking in october. 
 i talk about it a lot because it is in fact crazy times. 
but such a grand feeling overwhelms me as the text, fb messages, and calls roll in.
thankful indeed.

simply grand.
as i continue pushing through writers block, 
2 years of past pics of my kiddos stuck in digi-land
 and 500 some odd email addresses
like it's my job. 
ha. 
it kind of is, i'm gettin' stuff done. 
but what a grand feeling that a HUGE task, HUGE task is done.


it went something like this:

prior to locking myself in my four walls i claim as my space 
i diligently did the morning routine. 
kids off to school. 
"house wipe" as i like to call it- because i dust everyday. 
grand? no, weird.
no- dust check my house. dare you. 
vacuum.
get myself presentable in handy dandy gym/house/comfy yet cute clothes,
just in case the door bell rings.
true story. 
bare face.

settle in, with my eyes fixed on the screen all day, i push through.
1pm?
WHAAAAAT??
1pm? 
where the eff did the day go, my exact thoughts. 
specifically-
it went to organizing over 500 email addresses i-
  or shall i say "bliss" has accumulated over the past few years. 
accomplishment in itself, yes. 

i told you i was getting down to the nitty gritty of all things behind this screen. 
my life? obsessive compulsive about it- 
well, some may think it's a down right mess,
but next-
house spotless? always. 
closets? impeccable. 
kitchen?  gleaming.
kids? amazing.
 you get the point.
behind the screen?
organized, but not to my high or shall i throw another grand in there, standards. 
until now. 
it's all the stuff you mean to do but never do. 
it's aggravating.
why? 
because it's a grand pain in the ass to feel the need to be this organized.
it's the stuff that takes you all day to do it
 not taking away from the fact that it was huge accomplishment-
but it was the nothing-else-gets-done-kind-of-task turned accomplishment.
yeah..... 
that kind.

sometimes you think or do,  more times than not, 
 things you would "rather" be doing because it's easy or a grand or a grand-er idea.
And then sometimes when you just do what you are supposed to do, 
you take the not so grand road
{like lunch or catching up with your best friend}
and actually tackle the task at hand.
stay the course. 
sweat it out.
work it out. 
get it done. 
stay focused. 
keep pushing.


it happens. 



you can scratch that grand-pain-in-the-ass-task off the "to do" list. 
 that's a grand idea! 

whew.
simply grand. 
conquered. 
i am a warrior and i win. 


on a lighter note... 
guess who this is at the grand canyon?


1. impressive in size, appearance, or general effect: grand mountain scenery.
2. stately, majestic, or dignified: In front of an audience her manner is grand and regal.
3. highly ambitious or idealistic: grand ideas for bettering the political situation.
4. magnificent or splendid: a grand palace.
5. noble or revered: a grand old man.


ain't she grand?






Tuesday, August 21, 2012

simply loved.




what would you say? 
i have no words.








Monday, August 20, 2012

it's simple.


i thought i would try something new since it's been all about getting back on track the past few weeks. 
somedays i feel like a freight train is trying to steal my thunder. 
sunset sleeps and bonfires are over and routine is the new norm. 
i'm not too disappointed, i do well with routine and regimen. 
in the past my blog posts have been quiet lengthy- bursting with creativity and photos.   
frankly, i feel a little burnt out.
it won't last long, however
the time spent creating is beyond measure- priceless, no doubt
but maybe just overwhelmed in the "personal" photographs department.
it's like the plumber with the leaky faucet.
the photog mama with unedited, unprinted, gorgeous images of her own offspring
that are screaming to be freed from a digital screen to be shown off for the world to see.
eh ehm!
as it should be clients that are reading this... 

as i prepare myself for the chaos i love in the next few months ahead,
right now-
i am focused on my rockstars and catching them up to speed with my archives.
one thing i swore i would never.ever.let.fail. 
i failed. 
i hate failure.
the last few days i have hunkered down in my office, tangled with my mac 
and have begun the whole process.
which used to come with such ease, now, a professional "picture taker" of a mama-
i have a new found respect and love for perfection about my photography. 
even with the most simplest details of their little lives. 
i hate that part. 
it never mattered before, so why now?
all of those simple, unedited, point and shoot memories are all documented.

should shrug.
i don't know. 
it just does. 

so in this process i am trying-my-heart-out to remember to keep it simple,
 not overwhelming and to be sure all things amazing are documented.
and those are the simple things.
thankfully i'm just a few years behind and i have most everything ready to go-
to go = countless hours and endless nights creating and mile-stoning in photoshop. 
score! 
or should i say
touchdown! 
beings football season is trying to squeeze it's way in my world. 
ack. 
play on.

let alone editing and printing
alas. 
bad ass coffee table books full of childhood memories await. 
archived.
the day i am caught up will be a cold day ...... sometime this winter. 
i plan to stay the course and get back on track. 
even if the freight train of a holiday season hits me head on. 
i always have such great timing and work awesome under pressure. 

SO-
with all that said, to say this


it's the little things. 
their little faces that i cannot get over how they have changed so much in one years time. 
yet two and three. 
ugh. 
 in this process of overwhelming-archivement 
(i just made that word up)
i vow to myself and now you
my plan is to not stress and win the over achiever award
yet, keep it simple.
which is hard for me to do. 

which has brought me to my blog post. 
finally.  


remember to keep it simple. 
most things are not that difficult. 
focus on the task at hand.
count to ten. 
breathe.
love thy neighbor. 
{threw that one in for good measure}
 you feel me. 

 this week-
i will blog simple. 
everyday.
 
it's simple. 
let's begin.



 

recognizing the simple things.
loving the little things.

sounds like sweetness.
how about that for your magic monday?





ps. pardon any typos, it's past my bedtime. 
screenblur.



Thursday, August 16, 2012

school is cool.




school is cool.
i keep telling myself this.
 except, with every school years comes growth and with growth comes
 smarter
not to be confused with the smart a** older kids,
and older kids.
yes, rebel-
 a mom said it on her blog-
good golly, i'm not miss molly.
{and it will never happen to your kids.}

we keep it real on this blog.
 let me just pop your balloon now.
it happens.
all stages, ages, years...
they go by too freakin' fast.
they grow up too freakin' fast. 

happy to say my kids are still in the "older" kid version of growth, less the cuss word...
though i feel it coming and i am having a hard time embracing it.
all of this comes with finding out just who they are
and how far they can push it, trial and error in this house.
 and if mama had a yoga class that day or not.
{kidding.}
{not really.}

but i have to say some days are better than others.
they are getting big. getting louder.
and worst of all like to dress themselves.
 oh i pout.
my little lover-bug lex how i miss those "chongo bows."
perfectly tight little pigtails with the biggest bows you've ever seen matching every outfit.
preschool.
i thought she was so big. she was, then...
and now?
dylan, so little.
he was.
still in stroller for gosh sakes.
wanting, wishing he could stay and play with sissy the whole day.
dressed in perfectly mix matched gap-ness.
collar pop'd and all.
faux hawk remains.

their faces so little.
so baby little.
even as i scroll through pictures from just last year.
the amount of growth surpasses any expectation.
i feel honestly like it's being stolen from me.

as a mom i have expectations, as any good mother does.
but i really just want to rewind the clock.

expectations?
they are 9 and 6.
responsibility?
they are 9 and 6.
standards?
they are 9 and 6.
pressure?
they are 9 and 6.

9 and 6.
perfect ages for them to be kids.
perfect age for them to be little
silly.
loud.
rambunctious.
all boy.
all girl.
play hard.
fall hard.
laugh hard.
free.
funny.
footloose and fancy free kiddos.

with all the "back to school" non-sense, i too tend to get caught up in the mess
of them writing their college thesis.

they are 9 and 6.

so the morning of the first day of school when they were not-so-perfect-angels for the lens.
i let them be not so perfect.
 they are 9 and 6.

here are my little pre-college scholars on their first day
of 4th {dear god} and 1st grade.

9 and 6 and i still got choked up as they walked themselves to class.





"This is what my changed 4 times this morning, brandy melville backpack rockin, matching beaded handmade by her- bracelet wearin', peacock hair accessory placed in her freshly curled hair, ready to conquer the world, drama mama of a fourth grader looks like.

And my handsome, teeth needing, swollen goose egg head, faux hawk sportin',high top wearin', extra food in the lunch box needing, I'd rather be at the skate park, little devil of a first grader looks like.

And a sad, pouty face, mama when I ask, "are you sure I can't walk you to class, just on the first day?"

"No mom! We got this!"

Sigh. Rockstars."

-your mama
fb status


9 and 6
better than 19 and 16. 
then i will be wishing they were 
9 and 6


i love them beyond anything
smart ass and all.




Friday, August 10, 2012

from the heart...

{if you prefer my music- that little ipod down below is waiting for you to hit play.
 for those who prefer silence, well, you are happy}



writers block. 

self diagnosis confirmed.

heart block. 
never.
ever.ever.ever.
not mine.

problem is when do you have the courage to say here:
look inside my heart. 
read what it says. 
digest it. 
slowly. 
 and love everything you read.
problem is it {the heart} doesn't write. 
it feels. it beats. it survives.
a lot more than you could ever type or write or run-on-sentence about. 
fact. 

often times than not i have found very few people that say:
 here, take a look inside my  flawless heart. 
open it.
dissect it.
completely. honestly. fearlessly.
you'll read it and get me and all i'm consumed of at first glance. 

it's more like- read the preface and the last page.
the end.
boasting a completely incorrect review.
because i asked for it? 

no-
because if you read the fine print, italicized, in bold.
 the end is just the beginning. 
{my new mantra}

it's not in ink. 
it doesn't have a cover.
it's ever changing. 
it moves. 
it's every shade of red or grey
{if that's your new pink}
and no, i haven't read the book.

thump. 

handle it with kid gloves because you are fortunate that i gave it to you. 
and no, i don't want it back. 
i just want it treated the way my expectations say so. 
sounds bad? maybe if you stop reading here

 let's get real-
on a standard scale of scales 
mediocre to average is acceptable. 
sad but acceptable. 
nothing more nothing less. 

but is mediocre ok with you? 
not me.
in any realm of anything, not just the heart.

so when it comes to your heart and those you love,
why is mediocre now the new acceptable?
this remains true for how you love 
and always, how you want to be loved. 
cherished. that's a better word.

standards. 
raise them. 
it's okay. 

with everything you love with that good 'ol beating machine,
it's simple,
love how you want to be loved. 
go that extra mile. 
why stop at mile 10?
or cloud nine for that matter?

you can't be afraid and so many people are. 
 silly.

what's silly is the fact that i think i have writers block. 
maybe it's just that i write with my WHOLE heart
 i am as honest as honest can be when i write.
 i don't want my book to be judged by it's cover. 
my heart. 

scared what i may find out about my own self.
maybe.

foolish. 

don't judge a book by it's cover 
or a girl by her heart for that matter.
or a heart by it's color.
because grey just might be the new red.

dig a little deeper.
what really matters?

and so now i pause before the next chapter, a little confused.
a preface in the middle of my book?
since when?
today.

an empty page. 
a perfectly stenciled open heart.
like the kind you perfected as a little girl. 
the kind my little girl brands on all things her.

i will always write from the heart. 
no holding back.
no writers block. 
no heart block.
heart attack, maybe.


get ready,
it's about to get real-
like beating heart real.


school has started and i have nothing to do but write my own love story.
that.is.funny. 

happy friday.

*cell phone photo credit
{again}




Thursday, August 2, 2012

i vaulted.







hiatis?
one year.
my goal was to win the "best blogger ever" medal exactly one year later,
well....
turns out i'm a few days late.
6 days
go figure.

it was never my intention to "peace out" from my digital heart and soul.
it just happened as does life.
 so i rolled with it, as i do life.
i owned it, as if it were my decision.
it wasn't, it just happened.
after a week, then two, then a month and then another,
it became i'm taking a break from the blog
for.a.year.
ouch.
and seems i even missed that one year "deadline" by six days...

as time grew longer and further away from the july 27th bench-mark-of-a-post,
i felt further and further away and a lot less connected.
how could "just another" blog post top the last?
truth is, it didn't have to because nothing ever will.
epic in my book.
because let's face it-
to me, it was a go-down-in-history-kind of blog post.

as i re-read it through tears this morning,
tears completely unrelated to what i was reading on my blog,
i was soaking it in as if i was reading words of wisdom from someone else's blog,
to only realize through the now very blurry screen-

these are your words. this is your life. this is what matters.

crying seems to be frowned upon (no pun) but after a good cry you feel better.
like raising babies, i always let them cry it out.
let's face it, i am a girl and i cry at medal ceremonies for gosh sakes.
i cried some more as i read the last post, and another
and yet another and yet another.

whoa.

so much has happened in one year i shutter to think of the time spent to be "caught up."
such pressure.
sigh.
i work well under pressure but i have decided to move forward with where i stand.
firmly.
now.
my current opinions.
the present.

because after all, my words of wisdom have wisdom.
i read {past tense} and read {present tense} them.

i beat myself up over this- i know it sounds dumb.
i will always push through a blog post.
i will always push through a blog post.
I WILL ALWAYS PUSH THROUGH A BLOG POST.
I.WILL.ALWAYS.PUSH.THROUGH.A.BLOG.POST.
the end.

"the end" is just the beginning.

and so i begin:

as you all know, scottsdale summers can take a toll on ones self
 so many head west, sometimes east.
a coast.
 but ahhh, the west coast.
very close to perfection.

born and raised in a so-cal zip code, you take for granted a lot.
the beach
the horses
the weather
the lush landscapes
the attractions
the beach
the weather
the family

so i found myself more so this year than others, escaping the scottsdale heat.
it's not cool. it's not fun. it's not nice. it's not -
it's kind of fair weather.
unreal.

nothing more real than wet, squishy, dirty
sand between the toes.
sunshine that makes you smile not sweat.
a vast, huge, ginormous body of water that races up washing
any trace of anything off the shoreline.
speaking to you saying,

"what do you got for me today?"
"really?"
"that is what you are worried about?"
"c'mon now."

bitter cold waves crash at your feet washing your footprints
and any evidence of your bare feet being firmly planted in the sand, asking yet again,

"what do you got for me today?"
"really?"
"that is what you are worried about?"
"c'mon now."

insta-ego check that vast body of water can bring.

i like those.
more when it happens to others-
because it sucks when it happens to me.
and it happens.
it should happen to everyone.
all the time.
not everyone is perfect.
there are disappointments in all things life.
but what makes up your life?

you. your family. your beliefs. your morals. your values.
your heart.
your intentions.
your inside.
your opinion.
others perceptions?
how about the side no one sees?
the only one that YOU see when you look in the mirror.

definitely not the freshly photoshopped image of yourself taken by an awesome photographer.
let's get real-
any photographer, any image of yourself.
{ego check}

as i return to the scottsdale heat,
i found myself putting out fires.
before going to bed and waking up.
when it's that hot it makes for a hard day.

it's not all toes in the sand, as it may seem-
desert, city scape, beach, industrial...
my release used to be grab the lens and go,
but the lens has turned into a whole new meaning of work.
which i love and have a great respect and passion for.
it also comes with a great deal of responsibility,
time, creativity, and opinions.

a reality check of sorts for me and why i do what i do.

*reminder:
because i love it.

*reminder:
it's very hard to be in an industry where
there is nothing more personal

than ones self portrait.
one might not like it.

*reminder
a personal opinion of ones self portrait does not determined
the quality of my photography.

*reminder
ones self reflection of an image i have taken has no relevance
to me as a person. it is not a personal attack.
it is simply their opinion.
not their opinion of me but of them.

*reminder:
Aperture: to determine depth of field
ISO: to control image noise
Shutter Speed: to manage motion blur

what are your settings set at on your cell phone?
right.

alone, with family, their baby, babies or baby bump.
whatever the stride in life they are in,
they selected me to capture it.
pressure?
none. not at all.
perfection is what everyone strives for, even me.
but perfection is who you already are according to not just those who love you,
but most importantly, yourself.
your perception of you.
sometime's it's the hardest yet truest of all opinions. 

aside from my personal goal of blogging "one year later"
i needed that voice,
that little dose of non-perfection.
my little 'ol personal opinionated blog-a-roo of mine.
mine.
personal.
belonging to me.
no business or funny business.
just a quiet moment, heart-felt-me and my opinion.
the real one.
sometimes it's a read-between-the-lines blog post
but more often times than not-
it's not.
ready to share to you and the world as if i had an audience.

so many times this past year i said to myself
"i wish i was blogging" or "i wish i could blog about this."
or i heard from others, which was a knife to the heart,
"i stilllll check your blog" and "why did you stop writing?"
"please start blogging again."

ugh. enough is enough.
jump in and blog already.
so hear or i mean, here i am, admittedly pushed emotionally
and just passed,
that "one year" bench mark post.
a few days late
blogging resumes.

as the sunsets on a fabulous summer season with the lens,
i'm on the brink of a chaotically amazing fall season.
so i too need that ego check
my lens is not flawless.
nor am i.
i could be better at return phone calls and emails responses.
spending more time with the rockstars.
catching up with old friends.

but i dive hard into my work.
i do take it personally.
i just do.
i don't think i would produce such work if i didn't.
so i prepare myself, as should you-
for opinions.
everyone has them.
even me.
i stand iron clad behind my work.
so next time one criticizes oneself in an image.
take a moment to breath.
just be thankful.
you lead a beautiful life,
with a beautiful family,
surrounded with people that love you.

that in itself is one huge, beautiful freakin' image.
i just document it.

i don't know that i have stuck the landing on my vault back into the blogging world,
but i vaulted.
with a whole heart.

to be a wear-your-heart-on your sleeve kind of girl is tough.
but again, real.
as hard as it sometimes may be,
i do.
i always will carry my heart on my sleeve


my torch is lit,
it's hot
and it feels good to be back.
sandy feet and all. 




photo credit:
unedited cell phone