Wednesday, June 22, 2011

see world...

*music no longer is on auto play.
for full audio effect hit the play button*

san diego we were and are heading back again on friday.
i am working diligently to keep you all caught up on our whereabouts.
i love real time blog posts but for now, blog recaps will have to do.
i have a lot of re-capping to do...

may 27th 2011
it's real.
the real deal.

see world: saga of the lost lens...

i seriously struggle with my lens.
oh how i love that piece of metal.
along with these two babies-
it's my life, my love, my passion, my livelihood.

knowing that...
i struggle with setting it down and just being,
just being a mom.
you know, taking what i call "mom" photos with the
(dare i say it...)
the "camera phone"
but the days of lugging two kiddos around the amusement park
have only just begun
and having that 3rd child that has to be held constantly-
constantly taken care of, gently, 24/7 non stop held in the palm of my hand.
basically the feeling that i no longer have free hands to just enjoy the moment with my loves without constantly snapping pics.
because if it is in the vicinity, i am constantly snapping pics.
gets old.
i said it and that's okay.
it's okay to be free.
it's okay to be in the moment and cherish it for just that.
it's okay to not document everything....

and then this.
are you kidding me?!
miss this?
i will hold that hunk of metal all day long in the blarring hot sun
or walk 5 miles in the snow with it.
overly dramatic
i think not.

and then this:

who needs that hunk of heaviness
when we are picturing and videoing with that handy little cell phone anyhoo?
they, being "sea world" capture your whole day,
all day, every ride, walking through the park,
at the shamu show, etc....
giving you a little ticket
so that at the end of your day you can go claim your memories,
and charge you up the ying yang for priceless "mom" photos.
who's a sucker?
go figure.
sounds like a good living.

but then there are my kinda mom photos....

you put your price on any of that-
try me.
PRICELESS is right.

i would give everything to hold that 3rd child in my hands.
that 3rd child that has to be held constantly-
constantly taken care of, gently, 24/7 non stop held in the palm of my hand.
basically the feeling that i no longer have free hands to just enjoy the moment with my loves without constantly snapping pics,
because if it is in the vicinity, i am constantly snapping pics.

that's right.
i would.

our day was simply full.
full of joy.
full of fun.
full of smiles.
full of fears.
{but then we conquered that ride 3x's IN A ROW!}
fear not- we showed that ride who was boss!

moment to vent:
all caught on video via the cell phone that i can't get to upload to
imovie, you tube or blogger-
god- i hate that dam phone!
they are great, but stuck in my mac.
if i spend anymore time on it- well, i can't...
hours have been wasted. but know they are precious.
full of screams, laughs, giggles,
then i bought a flip cam...


so we survived our day.
3rd child and all.
back to the swagger wagon we drug...
i set the backpack down to get the keys out.
they were somewhere at the bottom
so out came the sweat shirts we took on the hottest day of our stay,
wallets, water bottles, remnants of a picnic lunch, the lens.
the lens.
i didn't want to set in on the ground so i set it on the bumper.
made sure the loves got loaded, leaving stuff scattered around the car.
they were on my mind.
the parking lot was busy and people were coming and going.
i was tired.
wiped really.
we were happy to sit.
"yes, mama?"
"one last pic, we had an amazing day!"
"ok mama!"

shoot this with the ever so faithful phone cam and long arm.
get everyone loaded and "strap" in, as dylan says
and turn the car on.

pick up the randomness around the backpack
and load up.
what a day!

kiddos, backpack, mama.
check, check, check.

homeward bound to nanny and poppy's.
so excited to share our day. we did.
it's now dark, kiddos are in bed and out cold.

"i gotta show you some of these pics!"

backpack bound.
feels light.
that feeling rushes over me.
where is my camera?
no- WHERE is my camera?

freak out mode some call it.
dam right.
tears roll.
arms fling.
dad hugs.

"we will find it."

"no dad, we won't, i left it on my bumper and DROVE AWAY.
i drove away, there is NO way-
and if we do it will be f*cked up!"

elevated cry.

"what the hell am i going to do?!?!
i can't afford to replace it- not now, not with everything else!"

"boo boo's, mija- it's replaceable and there are still good people in this world.
let's hope someone turned it in. karma. you believe in karma.
say a prayer, have faith."

i won't go into a play by play of the rest of the evening but it was not good for me.
we drove to the parking lot late that night as if it would be sitting there saying,

"hi, you left me here. i've been waiting for you to come back and pick up the pieces."

it wasn't.

my night was long. i was curled up with my loves as they slept.
with them so close to me, so happy and sleeping so peaceful,
i cried.
what the hell was i going to do?
i understand that the "piece of metal" is replaceable.
but THAT piece of metal was not.

it has been with me through so much.
sounds so silly but it has become
my best friend, my therapist, my third child, my love.
not replaceable.
i felt so lost.
some of you may not understand, and that's okay...
but for those who do-
understand me.

morning came.
dad and i headed back over at about 9:30 on saturday morning
to the "lost and found" department of sea world.
the saturday of memorial weekend.
bad idea.
it was like interstate 5 in the middle of rush hour
with a crash taking up 3 of the 5 lanes.
you feel me.

we re-route.
breakfast at our favorite, casa guadalajara.
where you don't eat like you are a gym rat.
you just eat- like you are in your grandma mendez' kitchen.
tortillas flyin' and maricahi's playin'.
i tried.
i really did.
but i cried-
and used my camera phone.

lex in tow, we drove back, still crazy but lighter traffic...
amongst the pethera of happy people,
i was not.
a hole in my heart and pit in my stomach.
in the "will call" line i stood.
i must admit-
hopelessly hopeful.
peace in my heart. lex in my arms.
and my dad on the side lines.
whatever will be will be.

i made it to the window.

"how can i help you?"

i choke. hold back the tears.

"umm... i was here yesterday and left my professional canon camera on my bumper and drove away and was wondering if anyone has turned it in?"

so down on myself... what "professional" does that?!?
i wasn't a "professional" that day- just a mom.
doing her job.

"is there anything significant on it that we may be able to determine it is yours
if we do in fact have it?"

my mind races...
did she just ask me that??
my entire heart and soul are all over that camera, can you see that?

not so emtional and as nice as ever i reply,
"umm, there is the tiniest little chip in the uv filter."
{which i have been meaning to replace}

"okay, ma'am, let me check."

lex and i stand there.
my world is still.
my eyes were pierced on that door she went through...
and when she walked back through that door with that 3rd child in her hand my world was complete- again.

lexie jumped and ran over to her poppy
screaming with joy,
"they found it! they had it! they had it- mama's camera!"
they did a little dance.
my dad did the little,
fist to the knee- "YES!" action
i look over at him and smiled.
i gleamed.
my heart was gleaming.
holding back tears.
holding my lex, my lens and my dad holding me.
i shot this just to confirm.

not checking any settings.
i just needed to here that click.

after quick examination
there was no longer a uv filter as it was shattered to pieces, thankfully.
that more than likely, well i know, that is what saved my 24-70mm f/2.8L.
the left corner of the body is where it took the "hit"
and has a few bumps and bruises to show for it.
the "playback" button has been affected
but for now my quick "check the light"
view comes via "slideshow" mode.
i have not had the luxury of letting it go
for minor repairs as this lens has been in high demand.

i am one very lucky girl.
call it karma, call it blessed, call it luck
whatever good energy it is for you...
that's what i was happy to have at that moment.

see world,
there are still good people in this world.

sea world,
i thank you.

to you,
the person who turned in my third child,
my heart and soul, my heavy hunk of metal, my lens
i have no words except,
thank you.
may god bless you.
karma is as karma does.
i am lucky to have you.

"cause we belong together now
forever united here somehow
you got a piece of me
and honestly,
my life, would suck, without you."