Friday, April 29, 2011

this is happening now...

this is happening right now.
in fact i am florida bound.
i am in the air somewhere in route.

this morning rushing as always.
email hits the phone.
it reads:

Hi Vanessa.
My heart is so sad tonight. I have been following Ronan's blog from the beginning and have not been able to stop thinking about him all day. Why can't all of our prayers be answered and this sweet little boy be well again?
So my point in contacting you is... i really hope you can tell me that plans have been made for you to take photographs of sweet Ronan and his beautiful family. This is a time in their lives that should be captured forever and I know that they will be priceless to Maya. I'm sure her head is full of other issues she is worrying about right now, but I just couldn't sleep and wanted to get this off my mind. I love that little boy, whom I have never met. Praying for a miracle. Melanie

i'm confused?
i had no idea, who, what, where, or the impact this had on the rest of my life.
set my phone down and rushed around only to find myself sitting in my seat, however many 10o0 of feet in the air, 30 minutes into my flight and paying the $12.95 for the wifi.

trying to wrap my world around this by following facebook threads and sending a few emails,
i figured it out.

my friend shannon sends me this:

He's my nephew he's being taken out of the hospital because he's dieing and they can't stop it... read.
(do not read until you have read this entire blog post)

as I sit on the plane i begin to read.
and sob.
the song you currently here is playing via pandora and my ear phones,
"by your side"

snot is dripping from my nose.
i try not look obvious while wiping it away with my fingers.
the closest thing to a napkin is my favorite black cardigan.
now a black tissue.
the biggest crocodile tears you have ever seen are rolling down my face.
the kind where there is no facial expressions. no noises.
nothing but water streaming from my eyes.


i have landed safe
now close to 11pm east coast time.
i am exhauseted.
i have had a rough day.
lacking sleep.
airports in general.
4 hour flight.
rental car troubles.
down pouring rain.
a great dinner my florida family.
a hot shower.
missing my family.
my home.

and then...
really?! really?!
we are so consumed with our day to day chores of life.
general day to day tasks to stay the course.
life. love. work. be fulfilled. feel fulfilled.

at the end of the day...
who cares?!?!

your family is the map to help guide you-

do you have the love of your family?
an unconditional love no one can take from you?
your health?
healthy kiddos?
taking them to school?
going to their art shows?
are you tucking your kiddos in bed?
reading bedtime stories?
are they running around like crazy
driving you crazy?

yes. yes. and yes.

what you are about to read, i hope will affect you the way it has me.
to my core.
if it could go deeper~ it did.
this is something NO mother, or father, or family should EVER have to go through.
i believe that with that same deep down core of mine.

why? why? why?
i ask myself the same thing.

you are a rockstar.
you, little man, are an amazing little boy.
you have touched me in ways i could never explain.

thank you.

i beg you~
let this be a HUGE reminder.

THIS is happening right now.

love as hard as you can
if not for forever, for today.

you may not have tomorrow...

ps. i have committed myself to the family at whatever capacity they are comfortable.